I love having children. Sure the fun of wiping noses and cleaning bottoms does wear off, but the fact that they will believe ANYTHING YOU SAY never will. For example:
Picture it: Sicily 1947…. ;)
Picture it: Scotland 2014 on a lovely autumnal walk home from school one afternoon.
Fin: *holding my hand* Mummy?
Me: Yes pidgeon?
Fin: We have a disco tonight.
Me: Oh! Oh that’s tonight! Well we’ll have to….
Fin: *interrrupts* And I don’t want to go.
Me: OOoooh. Okay….any specific reason or anything I can help with?
Fin: I just …don’t like Halloween. I don’t like masks, I don’t like dressing up, I don’t like those plastic rubber scary clown masks that look real….
Me: Yeah. They’re awful.
Ave: *sings* Scary clown maaaask!
Me: Well I don’t have a problem with you not going if you don’t want to ….
Random classmate runs up, panting and shrieking.
Random kid: OHMYGODFINTHEDANCEISTONIGHTWHATAREYOUGOINGAS???? *wheeze! pant! wheeze!*
Fin: *looks at me in that ‘Oh come on! Think of something woman!’ way* Yeaaaah…aboooout thaaaat….
Ave: He can’t go ….because Mummy says……*looks at me in that ‘hope you have a parachute out of this crashing and burning plane’ way*
Me: *fumbling* YYEEES! Fin…can’t go…….beeeee….becauuuse……
Random kid :*eyes popping around like he’s watching turbo invisible flies* Yay…because…..
Me: *blank stare* We’re..*looks desperately at children who are looking desperately back at me*….Kling..on. We’re Klingon. Against our religion. He can’t go.
Random kid who should be minding his own business anyway: *pants* Yay. Okay. I had like..an uncle that was or something so …that’s cool. I’ll see you tomorrow! *runs off in random direction, trailing backpack across the grass*
Fin: What the……
Avery: *matter of fact/autism style* Finlay doesn’t like masks or Halloween. Awwww! *cuddles brother* Poor Finlay!
We walk home where I show Fin on the computer exactly what a Klingon is.
Fin: OOOOoh. My. GAWD Ma. Gross.
I cant believe he’s complaining when I cleverly relieved him of his disco duties. Tsk tsk. Ungrateful!